How To Feel Secure In Your Marriage Today, we’ve partnered up with Aflac to talk about ten ways you can bring more safety and security into your relationship. Working together in these ten essential, stress-triggering areas is a great start to establishing more peace, predictability, and security in your marriage. {This post is sponsored by Aflac. We were compensated for writing it, but all opinions are 100% ours.}
- * * * * * * * So I knew this couple. They were bright and shiny and always had the newest iPhones. They appeared to have it all together; they had a big circle of friends, loving families, and a baby on the way. I’d known the wife for a while when she came to my apartment for a visit one day. We started talking about life, as we often did, and how bringing a baby into the world changes your marriage entirely. I had just had my first child a month or two prior, and was still in the hormonal throes of “ouch” and “all I want is sleep.” Things were hard, but my husband and I were happy. Then, all of a sudden, I saw it. In her eyes. She was horrified. She went on to tell me that although her and her husband appeared happy, deep down, they each shared a lot of insecurities in their marriage and life circumstances. She told me she and her husband each had a bit of a “checkered” past, so trust was an issue. Although they always had the latest-and-greatest gadgets, they had little savings. They seemed to be doing great on the outside, but within their marriage, they were really just walking on eggshells, and scraping by day-to-day. My heart went out to her. What should I say? What should I do? I tried to reassure her the best I could, but since that day, I’ve thought a lot about insecurities in relationships. There are a lot of moving parts to feeling secure in marriage; some of financial, some are emotional, and some just come down to plain ol’ preparation. The bottom line? Marriage should be a refuge, not a worry. They should be the place where we feel like we’re “home” – they should be safe, secure, and well-equipped to weather all of the storms of life together.
Pick a Health Insurance Plan That Works For Your Family: A huge part of feeling secure within your marriage is knowing you will be able to financially handle any medical issues that may arise within your family. Lack of research or general knowledge on the health care benefits available to you is a common problem. Often times we blindly choose a healthcare plan from our employers based solely on the monthly premium. What’s more, employees sometimes opt out of the “open enrollment” season {where you can reassess your health care benefits to choose a new plan that might suit your needs} and therefore may be faced with higher out of pocket expenses monthly AND down the road. Take the time to research your family’s medical needs! Look into the benefits options available to you, shop around for different types of coverage, and invest in your family’s future health. And if you aren’t 100% happy with your current benefits options available to you, you can always opt for voluntary insurance which helps fill the gaps in coverage, making you feel even more secure. All too often we find ourselves only considering costs of healthcare and forgetting the fact that we aren’t invincible. Our generation especially tends to forget that accidents DO happen, tragedy can strike, and unfortunately it can happen to anyone. With voluntary insurance you are safe-guarding yourself from major out-of-pocket costs that a lot of medical insurances were not designed to cover… saving you money in the long run! AND more importantly, giving you that feeling of security you long for. You can’t take a chance on the well-being of your family! {ps!: We timed this post pretty perfectly – open enrollment season for so many companies is now! Typically insurance companies gear up for the upcoming year in November, so now is the time to get researching.}
Conquer That Debt: Money is a tough one in a lot of marriages, and can cause a lot of arguments if you let it. In a 2012 study entitled “Examining the Relationship Between Financial Issues and Divorce,” it was found that financial disagreements are stronger predictors of divorce than any other type of marital disagreement. In the same study, however, it was also found that financial disagreements are a part of the marital process. So in other words, those tricky conversations about cash will happen; you will have to have talk about your money-flow at some point. The key is to be ever-so-mindful when they sneak up, because arguments DO happen. Try to approach any conversation about finances with patience, as well as preparedness. Be prepared with your own expectations and goals, and then be patient while listening to your spouse’s side. If you are able to sit down and have an open, honest, and safe conversation about your debt, then your likelihood of being able to resolve your debt issues increases greatly.
Establish a Weekly Date Night Routine: We might be just a little bit biased, but hey, the research is in our favor! According to the article, The Date Night Opportunity, ‘ husbands and wives who engaged in couple time with their mates at least once a week were approximately 3.5 times more likely to report being “very happy” in their marriages, compared to those who enjoyed less quality time with their spouse.’ Remember how smitten you were with each other when you FIRST started dating? Yep, you definitely can have that feeling every day! We are firm, firm believers in that. We know marriage can complicate things, we know kids can change the dynamic, but we also know that prioritizing alone time with your spouse means a feeling of emotional security that you just can’t get anywhere else.
Get a Family Finance Plan: Groceries, bills, piano lessons, gas money…the list goes on and on! Being responsible for the family finances can be an overwhelming job, especially if you find yourself struggling to make ends meet. Living paycheck to paycheck while the bills keep rolling in month after month can weigh heavily on a married couple. It’s no wonder financial disagreements are the strongest disagreement type to predict divorce {source}! Talk to your spouse about your financial goals and expectations. Start crunching the numbers together and reach an agreement on your monthly spending. Even just being on the same page when it comes to your goals can go a long way in helping you each feel secure in your financial future. It may seem like a long and arduous road to get your finances to where you want, but one thing is for sure – you will never have that security if you don’t make the first step to get there.
Prepare, Prepare, Prepare!: Sudden catastrophes can happen to us at any given time. Without a plan set in place on how your family will handle such a time, you can easily feel unsure of your future. But, with just a little bit of planning, you can go a long way in putting your mind, marriage, and family at ease. Items like cash on hand, food storage, water supply, warm clothing, first aid kits, meeting points, and having copies of important documents are key topics to discuss when planning for emergencies. Having plans in place for emergencies are fantastic ways to build security in your marriage. This is a great article on Emergency Preparedness (from lds.org)
Decide What Your Dream Retirement Looks Like: Although retirement may seem like a long ways out, planning and saving can’t happen soon enough. And the good news is, it’s NEVER too late to start! Talk to your spouse about their dreams and wishes for retirement. Do you want to travel? Live near your children? Build a dream home? Once you have an idea of where you want to go, then you can start working on HOW to get there. Research your employer provided retirement funds, discuss different investment options, and work together to find a plan that you both feel good about! Knowing that your future is safe and sound in your golden years will provide so much security in your lives now, as well as your bright future together.
Be a True Companion: Keeping your cool when mistakes are made can be really tough. Sticking by your spouse through thick-and-thin, even when there are hiccups, is sure to build security and trust within your relationship. If you over-react or explode when they fess up to something they regret, you can imagine they may think twice about telling you next time! That could lead to all kinds of problems! So keep a level head, and approach the problem sensibly. Knowing that someone is by your side – always – plays such a huge part in stability and security within a marriage. 8. Understand the Importance of a Living Will: It’s not fun to think about, but in the event of a terrible tragedy, you can curb that difficult time by being prepared with a living will. The emotional burden of dealing with such a personal loss is a heavy load to bear on it’s own. By preparing and planning out important medical decisions before tragedy strikes, we release another heavy burden from having to fall on those we love. Do some research online on “living wills,” or check out this post to get you going on the right foot.
Set Up a Savings: Whether it’s for a rainy day, a future down payment on a home, or just a nice little cushion in the bank, having money set aside can go a long ways in helping us feel more secure in our relationships. Just like having debt can put a strain on a relationship, having a savings can help bring you together. Working to align your goals and build a secure financial future as a couple creates a strong, loving bond that shows each of you how much you care about each other. Of course, money isn’t everything, but we all know it definitely helps make life a little easier. Make a plan and stick to it, whatever it may be.
Communicate Throughout the Day: Isn’t a quick phone call or text from your spouse during the day the best? It’s such a simple way to say, “I’m here for you, even when I’m not next to you.” Whenever I see a sweet text roll in from my husband during his busy days at work, it always makes me feel so secure and trusting in our relationship. To know that he is thinking about me during those small moments during the day speaks volumes! Whether it’s a text, a phone call, or email, let your spouse know that you are there for them whenever you get a chance. Don’t worry – this doesn’t have to happen all overnight, and it shouldn’t! It will take time to build savings, it will take time to plan for retirement, and it will take time to get out of debt. But, there are things that you can do now. You can research health insurance plans, and take comprehensive looks at all of the options (not just the cheapest ones, as tempting as they may be). You can send a loving text. You can work a little harder to stay calm when your spouse admits a mistake. Still wondering about my friend? They began putting serious focus on their relationship in the months that followed, and started by implementing the steps we’ve just talked about. I still remember when she texted me a picture of the flowers he surprised her with one day when he came home from work. With a lot of time, love, and some counseling to help re-build their trust, they are now happier than ever! What is more important than those we love, and quality relationships with them? Taking the time to address these common stress-building topics in our relationships ensures a secure marriage for years to come. Do you have any more ideas to add to our list? Leave us a comment and let us know! And thank you to Sway Group for partnering with us on this important topic! Even though they sponsored this post, all opinions are 100% our own.
