Maybe you’re a newlywed. Maybe you’ve recently moved. Maybe you and your spouse are just trying to branch out and meet new people. No matter the reason, we know the dilemma all too well: How do you meet {and keep} quality married friends? And how do you meet couples that both you and your spouse will enjoy spending time with? We’ve got some insider tips and tricks for finding quality and lasting married friends that will only help strengthen your own marriage.
The Challenge Just because you’re married doesn’t mean you want to completely isolate yourself from the rest of the world, but it can be difficult to meet friends with similar interests that both you and your spouse enjoy spending time with. Why it can be so tough:
Personalities – You have to find four {or more} people whose personalities all mesh well together. Time – You want to spend lots of one-on-one time with your spouse and don’t have as much time for friendships. Comfort Level – It’s easier to fall into routines at your house and not want to leave because you don’t feel alone there. Families – When kids enter the equation, time is at even more of a premium. Family becomes the priority. Introverts and Extroverts – Spouses have different levels of need for socialization.
Ways to Meet It can be a challenge to meet new married friends, but that doesn’t mean it’s impossible. Try intentionally putting yourself in situations where you can meet like-minded people. Talk to your spouse and think about things that you both enjoy doing together as a couple, then think about places you could go to meet and socialize with other people who have those same interests. Some places you might want to try:
Outdoors – Parks, Pools, or Hikes Classes – Cooking, Fitness, Art, or Special Interests Local Communities – Church Services, Outreach Programs, or Neighborhoods Ethics Meetings – Bible Studies or Political Activist Meetings Clubs – Book Clubs, Card Games, or Outdoor Enthusiasts Competitions – 5K Races, Chess, or Trivia Nights Online – Meet-Up or Parenting Groups Volunteering – Soup Kitchens, Humane Societies, or Mentoring Programs
Who to Choose Look around the room and start making decisions about who to approach. Don’t judge a book by it’s cover, but do start to assess the situation. As you’re meeting a variety of people, certain characteristics will stand out for you. Think about what you’ve enjoyed in friends in the past and what kind of activities you hope to do with these friends in the future. It might even be a good idea to discuss what kind of married friends you’re looking for with your spouse ahead of time. Qualities to look for:
Honesty – Make sure everyone has the best intentions and makes it clear what they want out of this friendship. Humor – You want friends who can make you laugh and vice versa. Look for those who find humor in the same situations as you. Activity Level – Be on the lookout for friends who have the same desire to be active as you. Are you all the adventurous sort? Do they like to do relaxing activities or are they constantly on the go? Intelligence – Quality friends usually have similar levels of academics. We’re not trying to say you can’t be friends with someone who went to college if you didn’t, but it is easier to relate to someone who has similar experiences. Income – You certainly shouldn’t rule out friends because they make more or less money than you, but it is something to be aware of. If you don’t have as much free flowing cash as they do, it might make for some awkward conversations about where to eat for dinner.
Making the First Move Well, now you’ve found them… the perfect couple friends. The next step just might be the hardest – it’s like asking someone out on a first date! You’ve got to put yourself out there and invite them to hang out. Just be yourself and remember that no matter what, you’ve got your spouse’s support! Tips for introducing yourself:
Smile! – Appear approachable and friendly from the very first glance. Ask Questions – Show a genuine interest in someone by asking them personal questions and especially by asking follow up questions to show you’re listening – but try not to overwhelm them! Relate to Common Interests – Try bonding over similar favorites, which should be easy if you’ve met because of a similar interest! Try Again – Don’t get discouraged if they say “No” the first time, or if you meet a couple and realize they aren’t the right fit as friends. Offer an Invitation – Be the first to put yourself out there! You never know, they just might be wanting to ask you to hang out sometime, too! Sometimes having the courage to ask is the biggest challenge.
Assessing the First Date Once you’ve spent some quality time with your new friends, talk to your spouse about how it went. Decide if you’re both happy with the couple, if you enjoyed your time, and if you’re looking forward to seeing them again. Questions to consider:
Are our core values and beliefs the same? Do we have a similar sense of humor? Were we interested in their stories? Would they make date nights more fun? How would we feel about introducing them to other friends or family members?
Setting Expectations Whenever larger groups of people get together, there’s more room for miscommunication. Set yourselves up for success by laying the groundwork for a successful friendship from day one and making sure that each person in the group knows how you will function together as a group of married friends. Expectations to consider:
Communication – Who within the group will text, call, or use social media to connect? Finances – How will you pay for group activities? Will you take turns or will everyone chip in an even amount? Frequency – How often will you try to get together? Filters – What kinds of topics do you all feel are appropriate? What behaviors are not acceptable (like swearing or drinking)? Organization – Who will be in charge of getting everyone together? Will you take turns?
Maintaining the Friendship You want to keep these friends! Think about what you want in a friend and try to show those characteristics to your new, married friends! Qualities to display:
Be Thoughtful – Try to remember birthdays, special occasions and events, and let them know you care by sending cards, small gifts, or just well wishes. Be Understanding – Recognize that sometimes other couples need their own time and space. Allow them to say “No” to you at times without being hurt or taking offense. Be Open-Minded – Come to the friendship with a willingness to try new things and hear new ideas and perspectives. Be Respectful – Recognize and respond to cues to make sure you don’t overstay your welcome or become too familiar, too quickly. Be wary of inviting yourself to situations or to events.
Having Fun! You did it! You found a couple {or two, or three!} that you just love spending time with! Now comes the fun part – planning adventures to make lasting memories. You’re ready for all of our popular and insanely fun group date nights! Things to remember for planning group dates:
Host a Variety of Dates – Even if you’ve found friends with common interests, you’re still bound to have a few differences. Make sure you plan different kinds of group date nights. Bonus! It keeps everyone interested and excited to see what comes next! A great place to find some great deals on all kinds of different attractions and activities in your area is at Groupon.com! Plan Ahead – Give everyone plenty of time to get the date on their calendar and find a babysitter if they need it. You could start a Babysitting Co-Op if you have a large group of friends where everyone needs a sitter. Welcome More New Friends – Chances are, if you’ve met some people you enjoying being around, you’d probably like their other friends too. Let them know that you’d be happy to have them bring along other couples.
Invite your new friends to join you for any of our 100 Fun Group Dates or host a neighborhood Block Party!
