I don’t know about you, but I have heard nothing but raving reviews about this book. When my husband and I were first married we took a quiz online to find out what our unique love language was, but I never read the book, until recently. WOW, I thought I knew what this book had to offer, but until I read it cover to cover I didn’t fully understand Gary Chapman’s genius 5 Love Languages. We asked several of our Divas to chime in with their own reviews and experiences with this book. We’d love to hear your own thoughts on this book and how it has affected your marriage, let us know what you thought in the comments!
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Tara: I’ve read a handful of marriage books and this one is HANDS DOWN the one that made the biggest impression on me! A few chapters in, I jumped up, ran to grab a highlighter, and I went to town on that sucker! SO many gems I wanted to bookmark and remember. It was such an “AHA” moment for me! The idea that we all give and receive love in different ways made complete sense! I loved the examples in the book and I was able to easily pinpoint both my husband and my love languages. We also took the quiz just to make sure I was right… and sure enough, I was! It was so fun to see in “black and white” how we could best serve each other. This book has definitely earned its spot on our bookshelf and I love giving it away to newlyweds as the perfect way to start off their marriage!
Kari: I have read many marriage books over the years, but this is by far one of the most influential. My husband and I read it together the first time and then I have read it again on my own. Our objective, when we read it as a couple, was simply to find areas in our marriage that we could work on and improve. When I read it alone, I wanted to become a better wife and find ways that would help me to focus on areas that my husband would recognize with his love language. Each time I read the book, I feel like I got exactly the knowledge that I was searching for. My husband and I found it humorous reading it together, reflecting on our own relationship. Mostly because I am all five of the love languages, while my husband is only two. But it gave us a firm grasp on what will work to show and receive love in the future. I think more so for my husband because I was showing him love in all five areas, while only two of those were working. But, since reading the book, I focus most of my energy on those 2 love languages instead of floundering about with the other three wondering why he wasn’t reacting as I expected he should. The one thing that has really stuck with me, in reflection, has been that we all show love, primarily, according to how we receive love. To show love in a way that another will receive it in their own love language takes forethought and selflessness. Because you are anticipating what they need in order to feel loved and you aren’t aiming to receive love or acknowledgment for your efforts. To me, that is the true meaning of showing love — to do so without agenda or hope of acknowledgment.
I was given this book as an engagement gift and I am so glad that we both read it together before we were even married. It was honestly the BEST way to start our marriage — already knowing exactly how we each preferred to be loved. It was such a great resource for us, and now it’s one of our favorite gifts to give at bridal showers and weddings. We love it so much that we bought The 5 Love Languages for Children as soon as we started our family. After all, it’s hard to know how to keep your child’s “love tank” full if you don’t know what makes them feel loved. I would highly recommend these books to any couple or parent!
Melissa: I read the book for the first time as an assignment in a marriage and family therapy class. It was hands down the best book I read that semester and over the course of both my career and marriage. It has been the book that I most highly recommend. It is written in such a user-friendly format that everyone can understand and learn from it. Things that they will begin implementing immediately. It isn’t just marriages that it will help with but any important interpersonal relationship you have. How does that person want and need to be loved? For myself, it was so liberating and useful to actually pinpoint what “language” I was speaking. And I know without a doubt that my marriage would not be what it is if I didn’t have the insight into my husband’s love language (because we are NOT the same). Lol. This book empowered me with the tools to understand and love my husband the way he wants/needs to be loved, and vice versa. I think it is SO important to stop worrying about what you need and to start giving your spouse what they need first. The rest will follow. I work daily to fill up his love bank, this gets us through the not so good days and it makes loving that person every day a way of life. Grab a highlighter, a pen, and two copies because you and your husband are going to want to read it together, write notes and then switch!
Alise: The 5 Love Languages book helped me look outward with my love instead of inward. It made me recognize how I myself feel love and that loving my spouse in the same way I receive love might not be giving him the fullness of my love. This book opened my eyes to how to change the way I love to better fit his needs. Not only was this book eye opening, it was practical. I was able to take what I learned and actually put it into practice to better my relationship. As your relationship grows and changes this is definitely a book that can be read again and again with new reflection each time.
Jenny: This book showed my husband and I that we were loving each other perfectly… if the other person was ourself! We tried to show love how we wanted love to be shown to us. That’s great, until you realize your spouse isn’t feeling very loved. I can’t recommend this book enough. It has changed the level of understanding in our marriage because I also know when he’s trying to show me love using his love language. In fact, I think I’m going to go read it again! SO good!
Heather Lee: This is the first marriage book that my husband and I read together, and I can honestly say it completely changed our marriage! We were struggling to connect with one another and it was putting a strain on our marriage. I had heard great things about The 5 Love Languages, so we took the plunge! The first thing we did was take the quiz to determine which “love languages” we spoke — or rather — in what ways we preferred to be loved. I was worried that all the time I was putting into showing my husband love would end up feeling like a wasted effort, instead, I felt encouraged and motivated to truly fill up my husband’s “love tank”! Also, it was enabling to feel like I could relate to several love languages and the book could describe to my husband how to best fulfill my emotional needs! I discovered that one of my husband’s preferred love languages was quality time {AKA helping him with his projects… WINK}, so I would take the book out into the garage and read to him while he worked on rebuilding his truck! I’ll admit that I was more into the book than he was, in the beginning, BUT the book opened a door for communication that we desperately needed! There have been 2 big things from this book that changed the fabric of my being:
- The idea that we all have an internal “love tank.” As we love our sweethearts we fill their tank and ours simultaneously. As we love our sweethearts in their love language(s) we fill those tanks even faster!
- Seeking to understand other’s love languages will draw people towards you! This is something that will help in ALL relationships! Obviously, my marriage is my most important relationship, and I really want my husband to be drawn in! As I work to learn his “love language” {because his are the opposite of mine… of course!} he is more inspired to learn mine! After 10 years of marriage, we still aren’t fluent… but we sure are a lot closer!
Heather: When I read this book, I read the Military Version as my hubby and I were on our second deployment together. I read it and started to see things in my marriage differently. I encouraged my husband to read it, so he got the Men’s Version. We both now see what a difference it’s made in our love life. Honestly, before the book I don’t even know how we were loving each other correctly. I’m quality time and gifts while my hubby is quality time and physical touch. We now know exactly how to keep our marriage afloat and fun! I definitely recommend this book to ANY married couple whether a newlywed or married for years, it will definitely make an impact on your love life!
Sarina: I read this book long before I was married and fell in love with the concept. I immediately was able to identify my own love language and soon began to notice the same in others. Everyone wants to love and feel loved, and narrowing down how to best accomplish that on an individual level has really changed the way that I communicate my love with those I care about. In my marriage, the book has made it really easy to communicate because we can use the same lingo in the book. Phrases like “I need more quality time and conversation with you” make sense to my husband and “my love bucket is getting low” is easier than saying “I don’t feel loved by you.” I completely recommend this book to anyone — regardless of your relationship status. Married, dating, or even single — this book will change the way you love those you care about.
Ferren: I first heard about this book in one of my Family Life Studies courses. I was a newlywed at this point and really enjoyed the book. It made SO much sense. I read it out loud to my husband in our hour long commute and both of us immediately recognized the different ways we felt and showed love. My husband was really easy to pick out and he completely agreed with all the book had to say. I was a little bit more complicated with scoring 3 of the love languages were tied once I took the quiz and the other two not far behind. It also made us realize that we showed love in different ways, and we started appreciating more of the little things we had been doing for each other. We, of course, as newlyweds were still in the honeymoon stage so everything was still pretty wonderful but this has helped us maintain that deeper love and connection after 7 more years of marriage! This book and these ideas are amazing and I would totally recommend this book to anyone in a long term relationship!
Amanda: My husband and I picked up this book before a 15-hour car trip. We took turns reading and driving. Every few pages we would stop and talk about ideas and concepts we had never thought about before. After 8 years of marriage, we realized that our love languages are different. We were both showing love to each other in the way we feel loved and not necessarily in the way our spouse needs to be loved. The 5 Love Languages opened the door for us. We understand each other on a much deeper level. It changed how we care for each other so much that we just bought The 5 Love Languages for Children. ♥ Are you convinced yet?! This book is truly life changing. As dramatic as that sounds, Gary Chapman’s insights are clear and easily implemented. He has an amazing way of fully explaining each topic in a way that makes his advice immediately useful to you. You can make your marriage and your love stronger starting right now! At the very start, the author, Gary Chapman, dives into why the honeymoon phase fizzles at the beginning of marriage: From there he explains that everyone receives love in different ways. These differing ways can generally be categorized into five categories: words of affirmation, quality time, gifts, acts of service, and physical touch. Understanding your spouse’s unique love language(s) will help you to keep their “love tank” full. You may feel you are giving your spouse loads of love, but if you are giving love in a way that your spouse does not receive love, then their love tank remains empty. Understanding each other’s love language is transformative. I thought that simply answering some multiple choice questions online and getting a result of what each of our love languages are was all that there was to it. It wasn’t until I fully read the book that I discovered the power in knowing my own, and my husband’s love languages. The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts For more reading on what it takes to build a great marriage, take a peek at our 10 Habits of a Happy Marriage, or our 10 Tips to Prepare for a Successful Marriage.
