We are always looking for ways to spice up the bedroom (just look at all of our intimate moments posts!), because sex is an important and fun aspect of marriage. However there is something we do not advise: porn in marriage. The use of porn by males is usually discussed, but we’re here to tell you why it shouldn’t be used by the two of you together and how it is a rising problem for women.
Porn in Marriage Leads to Sexual Dissatisfaction
Time and time again, magazines and internet sites propagate that watching porn in marriage or as a couple is a solution for bedroom blues. The sad reality is that couples then turn to porn in order to spice up the marriage, but porn directly results in decreased sexual – not to mention relationship – satisfaction. In work led by Amanda Maddox, researchers studied individuals in romantic relationships and how they were affected by porn usage: “In their study, 76.8 percent of men and 34.6 percent of women looked at sexually explicit material alone; 44.8 percent reported viewing it with partners. They found that people who didn’t view any porn had lower levels of negative communication, were more committed to the relationship, and had higher sexual satisfaction and relationship adjustment.{Emphasis added}”1 You might argue that correlation doesn’t necessarily mean causation, but we know that there is plenty of research out there that can’t be so easily swept aside. So, let’s set that aside and think about porn from a financial perspective for a second. If I’m running a business, I need to 1) create a product that people will buy and 2) create a need for that product so that I will get my clients’ business repeatedly. That way I make money initially and continue to keep making it. Would the porn industry stand to make as much money if it truly helped relationships? The answer is no. If it actually helped relationships, individuals would turn to each other more and porn products less. “The tobacco industry doesn’t intend on ending tobacco addiction, the petroleum industry has an interest in reliance on fossil fuels, the beauty industry feeds off women’s insecurity, and the porn industry necessitates sexual dissatisfaction, disconnection and exploitation to grow its profits.”2 The fact is, porn sites stand to benefit from creating sexual dissatisfaction, driving individuals to isolation. Isolation. The opposite of the intimacy that marriage and a healthy existence requires. So, you may be watching the porn together with the intention of drawing closer, but it will eventually drive you further apart than where you started. Female Pornography Use
Another misconception about couples using porn is that the woman can help keep the use in check – especially for the man – because women are “just wired differently” and not really susceptible to pornography and certainly not addiction. But recent statistics might surprise you. Reports show that one third of adults searching for porn on the web are women.3 So even though society keeps perpetuating the notion that women aren’t into pornography and aren’t vulnerable to addiction, more and more women – and young women – are viewing porn. Some studies show that 28% of young women (12-15) report that they are viewing porn, as well.4 Keep in mind that these are the numbers women freely reported – in a society in which female porn use is still seen as something to hide. Imagine what the actual numbers would read if all women truly owned up to their porn habits. That being said, female pornography is becoming increasingly socially acceptable and celebrated. One need only think about big budget Hollywood movies these last few years. However, increasing social acceptance does not make women impervious to the pernicious effects of pornography. The Washington Times found that: “If a man or woman ejaculates to pornography on a regular basis they will actually attach to sex as object relationships as opposed to intimate relationships,” Mr. Weiss {licensed psychologist and executive director of Heart to Heart Counseling Center in Colorado Springs} said, “So they will actually hunger for object relationships, creating over time what we call intimacy anorexia.”5 While we may think women can’t be in danger of pornography because we are different than men, both sexes suffer from decreased sexual satisfaction and personal problems thanks to porn. Addiction Help
Do you feel like you’ve entered into a realm of pornography which makes you uncomfortable? Are you feeling that you have to watch it on a regular basis? Check out some of these resources, and consider finding a professional you trust. The Key to Overcoming Pornography Addiction Fortify Program Breaking Pornography Addiction Addiction Recovery Centers Christian Addiction Recovery 12 Step Program Confronting Pornography: A Guide for Prevention and Recovery for Individuals, Loved Ones, and Leaders (You can also check out He Restoreth My Soul for a more Christian perspective) Also, check out 12 Books that will Transform Your Marriage for some great marriage reads. PornBattle- The leading online seminar for overcoming porn.
Sources: 1Streep, Peg. “What Porn Does to Intimacy.” Psychology Today. N.p., 16 July 2014. Web. 24 Sept. 2015. 2McNally, Laura. “So What If Your Porn Is Feminist? The Collusion of Feminism with Sexual Violence.” ABC News. N.p., 07 July 2015. Web. 24 Sept. 2015. 3Pulley, Anna. “Guess What? Many Ladies Love Porn: 10 Interesting Facts About Women’s Porn Habits.” Alternet. N.p., 17 Apr. 2013. Web. 24 Sept. 2015. 4Brown, J. & L’Engle, K. 2009, Communications Research, 36(1), 129-151, X-Rated: Sexual attitudes and behaviors associated with U.S. early adolescents’ exposure to sexually explicit media. 5Duke, Rachel B. “More Women Lured to Pornography Addiction.”Washington Times. The Washington Times, 11 July 2010. Web. 24 Sept. 2015.
